Party’s Over Pizza

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It’s been a real bad night.

It all started like any ordinary Thursday night. You woke up after your third nap of the day and realized it was time to start doing something with your life….begin drinking. You hear all of your buddies downstairs as they just magically happen to be cracking open a fresh rack. After promising you’ll “definitely” throw Johnny 5s tomorrow, the fun begins.

It dawns on you after your 5th cup chug that you never ate dinner. Whatever, beer has carbs and calories to power you through the night.

And there was your biggest mistake. The ten-dollar plastic handle of Vladimir, Zelko, Alexander Ovechkin, or whatever paint thinner they dress up as Russian vodka start to get passed around. This is the beginning of the end. The phone come out and the wheels are in motion for some bad decisions.

You head to the bar feeling good. You’re calm, cool, and collected or at least you thought. Unfortunately, someone else certainly doesn’t think so. And that would be the bouncer. Why does that guy always have to be a dick? That’s obviously your real ID! A lot of people forget their birthday or address!

Right after getting denied from the bar, you get a text from the girl in alpha phi you’ve been trying to get with all semester. She’s in the bar and wants to know where you are! Screw that bouncer you’re getting in. The countless hours of watching parkour Youtube videos is about to pay off.

You jump the fence to the bar and just like that you’re in. You make your way to the bar to buy a whisky shot to celebrate. Just as soon as it goes down, you know it’s coming back up. On your race to the nearest trash, you drop your phone and then trip right into a wall. And if it couldn’t get any worse as soon as you get up your favorite bouncer friend from earlier is dragging you out.

Even in our low points in college, we can always turn to The Lord and Savior.


That’s right. It’s impossible not to feel better after grabbing a slice at your local late night spot. The magical place you can only go once the clock passes midnight. But what if you want pizza when you’re sober? Make your own! Pizza is easy to make and completely customizable. Get some dough, sauce, and cheese and make Papa John proud. Even in our darkest hours, know that pizza will always love you.

1 store bought pizza dough
2 Tablespoons of flour
1/2 jar of tomato sauce
1 bag of shredded mozzarella cheese
dried basil
grated Parmesan cheese
olive oil
1 cup of spinach
2 cloves of garlic
1 cup of mushrooms
fresh mozzarella

1. Preheat oven to 450

2. After placing flour on a large surface like a cutting board, use a rolling pin to begin rolling out the dough. Use plenty of flour so the dough does not stick. Roll it out into the shape of the pan you plan to use.
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3. Begin to sauté the spinach, garlic, and mushrooms in a pan on medium heat. It will also cook in the oven, so no need to overdo it.
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4. Grease the pan you are using with olive oil and a paper towel to ensure that the crust will come off once you cook it. I originally used a circular pan, but switched to a rectangle since it didn’t fit in the oven. Roll the sides of the dough up to form the crust.
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5. Place your tray with the dough in the oven for 6 minutes. I precook the crust in order to ensure that it is firm on the bottom when it is done.

6. Remove crust and top with sauce, then the cheese, then vegetables. Sprinkle on basil, Parmesan, and add fresh mozzarella at the end.
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7. Place pizza back in the oven and cook for 10 minutes. Remove and let sit for 3 minutes before cutting it. Crush the whole thing by yourself. Once your friends get home from the bar, mess with them to make yourself feel better. Tomorrow is a new day.