Chicken Parm

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Your Formal is coming up next week and you still need a date. All of your past hook ups hate you already, since you managed to ruin their night at their respective formals. Whether it was the failed cloth ripping magic trick at Alpha Phi, stealing all the bottles at AOPi, or trying to crowd surf the sisterhood hug at KD, your market value isn’t exactly high anymore. Well guess what? Your buddy’s girlfriend has a GDI friend that would make the perfect date. So after your first 8 rejections, you bite the bullet and go with the rookie.

To an outsider, fraternity formals look like the absolute worst degenerates gathering together to destroy every drink in sight. In reality, that’s exactly what it is. But the only¬†break from the open bar is always going to be the food. And there is always one dish that gets crushed first…besides the ones that get tipped over on the floor. That would be the Chicken Parm.

An Italian classic, Chicken Parm is the perfect party dish. Everyone loves the combination of chicken cutlets, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese. It is fantastic at soaking up the alcohol, so you can get back to thinking you look like a suave dancer in your shirt and tie. Thank the lord that there are no cameras for your dignity’s sake and pretty much the dignity of everyone else at the formal.


2 chicken breasts
1 egg
1 Tablespoon of milk
2 cups of italian breadcrumbs
1 Tablespoon of italian seasoning
1 Tablespoon of garlic powder
1 Tablespoon of onion powder
1 Tablespoon of sesame seeds
1/2 teaspoon of cayenne powder
1 jar of tomato sauce
2 Tablespoon of vegetable oil
fresh mozzarella or shredded
grated parmesan cheese


1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Begin by slicing the chicken cutlets so they are thin. Wash the chicken and pat dry with a paper towel.

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3. Combine the egg and the milk in a bowl, then beat it until it is one solution. Add the breadcrumbs to a plate with the italian seasoning, garlic powder, onion powder, sesame seeds, and cayenne. Mix up the breadcrumbs and the spices.

4. Dip the chicken in the egg first. Shake off this excess egg then dip into the breadcrumbs on both sides. Repeat for all of the cutlets.

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5. In a pan heat up the oil on medium-high heat. Place the cutlets in and cook until golden brown, about 2-3 minutes a side. They do not need to be cooked through since they will be in the oven.

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6. After, arrange the cutlets on a baking sheet. Top with the tomato sauce, mozzarella, and parmesan. Place in the oven for 20 minutes, so cheese melts and browns.

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7. Take out and enjoy. Avoid thinking of the last time you had Chicken Parm and the events that transpired afterwords.

dance pug